I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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