ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
