his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
