after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
