how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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