Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
