good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize