Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
