he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize