we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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