She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize