I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
