just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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