my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
