lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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