It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
