you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize