Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
