I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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