Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize