I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This house was built for laser tag.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
