I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize