The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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