i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
