we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
