If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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