I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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