R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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