dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need to align my fucking chakras
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
