nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
