Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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