Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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