So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
