Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize