He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
