i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
