I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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