She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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