my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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