absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
