My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
