if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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