I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I supernannyed him into submission
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
