those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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