I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize