Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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