Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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