I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sext me about skeletons
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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