Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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