My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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