Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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