I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
