had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
