it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Welp...herpes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
