Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
