I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
