We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
God I need to hump something, right now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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