He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
