Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
