Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
