who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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