good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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