Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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