I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
