Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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