i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
