just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
