I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
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