Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
