if i can run in heels then i can drive
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
