I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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