I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
