Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
