I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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