we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
