i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
