I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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