never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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