we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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