every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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