If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
