dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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