one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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