good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
