i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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