in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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