im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
