U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
