Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
