I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
