ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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