"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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