It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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