covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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