You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
