Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
