he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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