You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
