There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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