I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize