Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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