i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Found your dick twin last night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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