Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
